Note: Received
this in an e-mail. RayS.
PARAPROSDOKIAN:
What is it? Here is the definition:
"Figure of speech
in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected;
frequently used in a humorous situation." "Where there's a will, I
want to be in it," is a type of paraprosdokian.
2. The last thing I want
to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
3. Light travels faster
than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you,
we'd both be wrong.
5. We never really grow
up; we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not
determine who is right - only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing
a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. Evening news is where
they begin with 'Good Evening,' and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
9. To steal ideas from
one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
10. A bus station is
where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops.. On my desk, I have
a work station.
11. I thought I wanted a
career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
12. Whenever I fill out
an application, in the part that says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put
'DOCTOR.'
13. I didn't say it was
your fault, I said I was blaming you.
14. Women will never be
equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer
gut, and still think they are sexy.
15. Behind every
successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually
another woman.
16. A clear conscience
is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
17. I asked God for a
bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for
forgiveness.
18. You do not need a
parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
19. Money can't buy
happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
20. There's a fine line
between cuddling and holding someone down so they can't get away.
21. I used to be indecisive.
Now I'm not so sure.
22. You're never too old
to learn something stupid.
23. To be sure of
hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
24. Nostalgia isn't what
it used to be.
25. Change is
inevitable, except from a vending machine.
26. Going to church
doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a
car.
27. A diplomat is
someone who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you look forward to the
trip.
28. Hospitality is
making your guests feel at home even when you wish they were.
29. I always take life
with a grain of salt, plus a slice of lemon, and a shot of tequila.
30. When tempted to
fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
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